“Saturday Night Live” opened by mocking the explosive allegations made in the ongoing Johnny Depp and Amber Heard Defamation trial.
“I’m Nicole Wallace and you’re watching MSNBC News because you have nowhere else to piss off,” said Kate McKinnon, filming the anchor providing beta coverage for the cable network.
Depp, played by Kyle Mooney, took to the witness stand to narrate a home security video where property manager Kenan Thompson found stool in his bed, which Heard allegedly left.
“I’d like to see more of the video, because it’s funny,” said the judge, played by Cecily Strong, overturning Heard’s attorney’s objection.
“Mr. Depp, do you find this trial amusing?” Strong asked the smiling witness.
He replied, “Yes, a little.”
“I am,” she said, raising a glass of wine hidden behind her seat as she proposed a toast.
Heard’s publicist declined to comment on the cold opening when representatives of The Post and Depp did not immediately respond to a message.
Singer and actress Selena Gomez, 29, made her hosting debut and told the cast that she was I’m looking for love in the show.
“One of the reasons I’m really excited to host SNL is because I’m single and have heard that SNL is a great place to find romance,” she said. “At this point I’ll take anyone.”
Mooney and James Austin Johnson volunteer their services but are soon dropped.
“Oh, that’s the new cast member Jeff,” Gomez said.
“It’s James,” Johnson replied, “but I’d change him to Jeff if I wanted.”
The host was more receptive to advancement than Punky Johnson.
“Let’s see how the next party goes,” Gomez suggested.
The former “Barney & Friends” child actress then finished the monologue by leading the audience in a single from the series “I Love You”.
Melissa Villasinor played a divorced child seeking comfort in a Bratz doll (Gomez, Eddie Bryant and Bowen Yang) who gives her questionable advice and announces her intention to seduce her cheating father.
“I just don’t understand why my father no longer loves my mother,” said Villasinor, as he asked the dolls for words of wisdom.
Bryant offered, before Yang said the dolls were headed to Miami to celebrate with her dad, “Be authentic and be a whore for every bartender you see.”
A rebranded Japanese program that follows young children doing errands on their own in the United States and features middle-aged men struggling to do things without their long-time girlfriends.
Gomez ended up dumping Mikey Day after his 34-year-old character failed to make a solo trip to Sephora and bodega.
Villaseñor and Gomez played Latin public access hosts with short attention spans and limited vocabulary who struggled to interact with their reporters and guests.
In the next sitcom, Thompson portrayed a grumpy young stage director who had to continue offering lines to his students and berating them for using Australian accents in Irish period dramas.
Gomez hosted an episode of American Inventors featuring Whoopee Cushion creator Archie Gizmo, performed by her “Only Murders in the Building” co-star Steve Martin.
“I knew it would be funny if your boss was sitting and making noises off his ass, but I couldn’t tell the sound,” Martin recounted.
His dilemma was resolved when he met a perpetually wind-breaking inspiration, played by Bryant, which also inspired him to create gags like electric gum and snakes in a can.
The “weekend update” mocked the week’s news, touching on the cryptocurrency crash and Roe’s reversal against Wade.
“If you feel like things have stalled a bit this week, yesterday was Friday the 13th, tomorrow is a blood moon, and according to the most annoying person you know, Mercury is in retrograde,” broadcaster Colin Jost said.
Broadcaster Michael Che shares his comment on the discontinuation of the iPod.
“Because Apple products get old once they are older than the kids who make them,” Chi joked.
Jost said the new, hearing-impaired Barbie taught young girls an important lesson.
“It doesn’t matter if I’m deaf, as long as this body explodes.”
Sarah Sherman reports live from Jost’s dressing room, where an intern is being held in a cage under an assertiveness poster that reads things like “You are the true King of Staten Island.”
Mooney also sat at the anchor’s desk in the character of the psychedelic Baby Yoda.
A day depicts a dragon slayer who has to choose between marrying three princesses in a medieval castle, in a skit that uses the same set as Raw opened in Cold Wade last week.
The suitor struggled to find flaws in three women, played by Gomez, McKinnon, and Ego Nodim, and wondered if there was a problem.
After choosing McKinnon, she was found to be suffering from excess gas; The third joke of the toilet at the expense of a woman.
In a pre-recorded skit, Punky Johnson plays Gomez’s jealous inner voice who convinces her that her boyfriend Chris Reed was cheating, leading her to stalk him online and throw his Xbox out of the widow.
When Gomez admitted that she’s insecure because she usually dates athletes and celebrities who sleep in, musical guest Post Malone was introduced as Redd’s jealous inner voice. This led to Redd accusing Gomez of obtaining nude photos of LeBron James.
Nwodim and Yang played motivational speakers who urged Ol’ Dirty Bastard class of 2022 to pursue modeling.
“Because at this moment you are the youngest ever,” said Nodim.
Playing a model, Gomez asked, “I love your look.” “How old are you?”
The girl replied: “Seventeen.”
“That’s excellent. Keep that age forever,” Gomez replied.
Post Malone directed Roddy Rich to perform her song “Cooped Up” before giving a dramatic performance of “Love/Hate Letter To Alcohol”.
The final season of the NBC show will take place next week, and it’s set to feature actress Natasha Lyonna as a guest star with the Japanese breakfast musician.